Friday, July 18, 2008

Two Worlds

I straddle two worlds and have done so for a very long time. One world is corporate, the other more creative/artistic. The corporate world has provided me with decent income, good savings, decent benefits, some rewards and excellent training opportunities. The artistic world is one I've lived vicariously through friends and people I associate with.

It's been a struggle for years to decide if I should stop straddling and make a decision to join one world or the other.

So it was on Thursday night when I attended an incredible performance by Jerry Douglas at the Prospect Park Bandshell. Sitting there listening to him and his amazing band, I pondered the notion of how lucky some people are to live completely in the creative world and be successful. To me, they are the embodiment of "living the dream". They get to live their passions completely. When I am in the corporate world, I rarely see that same passion. I see lots of people like me getting through the day. I seriously doubt they have the kind of passion I witnessed in Jerry Douglas and his band.

I wondered how a person knows the path to choose when starting out. How do you know? Because I didn't that's for sure. I wanted to chase film, architecture, design. I was discouraged from all these by concerned parents. I needed more of a backbone, more survival instinct. Instead their appeals for security resonated somehow. Maybe all the moving around, the unsettled feelings in childhood left their mark.

People who know me would be surprised to hear me say I need a backbone.. They think I am strong willed. But the truth is, I've made agreements when taking a stand and voicing my desires would have served me better. I let their fears become mine.

Which brings me to the knitting. It grabbed me two years ago. Hard. It hasn't let go one bit since. It consumes my thoughts most days. Knitting has opened up the world of possibilities. That maybe I won't have to straddle much longer. Maybe I can find a path through the knitting that will fuse the passion to the daily living.

I've learned I am more fearless than I believed. I was called a shaolin master by a friend, and I appreciated that. I learn by doing, I learn from mistakes. Each project brings on new challenges, new things to learn. In that way, my knitting is fearless. So why not the rest of my world?

And now I also know that someday I want to be as good a knitter as Jerry Douglas is at Dobro. Now that's aspiring to the highest level! And why not!?

1 comment:

Marie said...

But what's nice? We can become what we'd prefer to be. I also had - have! - conservative parents (loving, worrying parents) - and I had about 6 paths I wanted to pursue. But I think one is eventually drawn down the nicest one, IF one pursues, even part-time, but steadfastly, as you seem to be doing, a passion.